When it comes to sexual arousal, everybody has brakes and accelerators.
In the book Come as You Are, Emily Nagoski teaches this concept beautifully.
The accelerators are the things that move you towards sex.
The brakes are the things that stop you from moving towards sex.
For the majority of men, they have highly sensitive accelerators.
For the majority of women, they have highly sensitive brakes.
Stress, anxiety, anger, resentment, and overwhelm are some examples of feelings that will engage your sexual brakes.
If you are a woman that has sensitive brakes though, it’s going to be more important for you to learn how to take your foot OFF OF THE BRAKE before you try to figure out how to accelerate.
Here’s why:
Imagine you are in your vehicle with your left foot firmly planted on the brake.
Then, with your left foot still in place, you plant your right foot on the accelerator.
The car remains still.
That’s because with your foot firmly on the brake the car can’t move, no matter how hard you push the gas pedal.
This is the same when it comes to sex.
You can have all the stars aligned for the ideal sexual experience but, if your sexual brakes are on, it most likely won’t happen.
If you have sensitive brakes, the goal for you right now is to just become aware of what thoughts and feelings engage them.
The awareness is the first step to letting up on your brakes.
Because, let’s face it, a car in drive will move when your foot comes off of the brake, even if you don’t hit the accelerator.
If you need help figuring out what feelings are engaging your brakes, please contact me at jamelyn@jamelynstephan.com to schedule a free consultation.